Friday Feature: “Commando”

As a forgiving film fan, I was appalled by the recent news that 20th Century Fox was planning on remaking Commando, the 1985 action flick that became Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first star vehicle after The Terminator the previous year. Hollywood’s fascination with remakes is too well-known, but surely someone could have drawn a line with Commando.

The film has Schwarzenegger as – what else? – a one-man wrecking crew named John Matrix determined to rescue his daughter after she’s kidnapped by a South American dictator and his band of goons (the leader of which is one of Matrix’s old war buddies). Unsurprisingly, Matrix wins, having relentlessly slaughtered well over a hundred bad guys in the process and delivered the first of many hilarious quips in Schwarzenegger’s film career.

If this plot sounds familiar, it’s because it’s been done a million times since. That’s why a Commando remake – no matter how much of a “real-world spin” Fox promises to give it – makes no sense. Just make another movie about one determined, skillful man who has to rescue a family member from a bunch of silly thugs. (As a matter of fact, Fox did just that two years ago with Liam Neeson in Taken.)

A Commando remake would likely earn demerits for mucking with the over-the-top action violence, eminently quotable lines and unnecessary homoerotic tension between Matrix and the villainous Bennett (who, through actor Vernon Wells, comes off as an Australian Freddie Mercury on steroids). It would also miss out on one of the most goofy, enjoyable turns by composer James Horner.